April 14, 2009

The darndest things

There have been a host of new babies and new pregnancies among my friends over the past several months, both online and off. It's all very exciting (if a bit strange for me, to suddenly have parents where my friends used to be), and I'm thrilled for all of them. If you spend enough time talking to people about kids, particularly their kids, you will hear some funny stories. Some, naturally, are funnier than others. This is quite possibly my all-time favorite, which I heard from my friend M, at lunch, the day this took place.

M has two boys, 6 and 5, and what was a then-undelivered baby on the way (who has since greeted the world healthy and happy, I'm pleased to say). One morning, M, Older Kid (OK), and Younger Kid (YK) were getting ready to head out to school and work, and were running a little late. OK asked if he could buy breakfast at school that day, which suited M fine on account of the lateness, so she said sure. YK asked if he could buy lunch at school that day as well. M replied that with what she was paying for tuition for YK, his breakfast would be waiting for him when he arrived (or it damn well better be). At which point YK inquired as to what the Unborn Kid (UK) would be eating for breakfast.

M: UK will eat what Mommy eats, of course.
YK: How will he do that?
OK turns to explain to his younger brother.
OK: There's a hose. It goes from Mommy's belly button to UK's belly button. That's how UK eats.
YK looks down, puzzled.
YK: I don't have a hose.
M (Laughing): Of course you don't, silly. You eat with your mouth. And when UK comes out, he'll eat with his mouth.

And then it happens:
YK: How does UK come out?

To me, this would be one of those parental nightmares - it's way early in the morning, you're already late getting out of the house, and your 5-year-old just asked you where babies come from. There's not enough coffee in Seattle to prepare you to deal with that. But there you are.

But then, in a way that only a 6-year-old mind can conceive, OK steps in with a glove-save that would make Grant Fuhr tear up just a little. He turns to his little brother and says,with great excitement:

The doctors have magic!
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